I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
