whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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