I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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