He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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