I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
