Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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