worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
