my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize