a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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