She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
