I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
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My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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