Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
