Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
