i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
