Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
