I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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