What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
