it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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