he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
