also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
