We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
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i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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