1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
