Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i dont even know how to be here
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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