I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
