Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
