i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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