I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
