coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
