thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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