new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize