before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
