i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
