we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
