Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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