a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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