Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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