my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So. Much. Porn.
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