Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
