Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
