Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
