and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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