I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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