i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
