They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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