i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
