im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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