Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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