Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
