Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
