What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
