seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
