Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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