At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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