whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
