she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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