My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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