her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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