I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
