Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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