I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
