so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
