i wish peter jackson would direct porn
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
