you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
