He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
