bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Send help, water and tortillas.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
