o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
