Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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