I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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