Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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