I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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