My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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