Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry

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  (919): Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry http://tfl.nu/e19m
  Replies (7) Good night (1051) Bad night (2273)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.

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  (502): oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us. http://tfl.nu/ayu5
  Replies (84) Good night (1096) Bad night (4713)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.

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  (201): halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them. http://tfl.nu/b2tk
  Replies (33) Good night (4801) Bad night (842)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux

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  (618): the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux http://tfl.nu/x72r
  Replies (13) Good night (7856) Bad night (1070)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid

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  (443): He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid http://tfl.nu/u0xl
  Replies (18) Good night (3408) Bad night (1260)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.

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  (615): Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span. http://tfl.nu/rd54
  Replies (36) Good night (6903) Bad night (1516)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.

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  (519): i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying. http://tfl.nu/5e1o
  Replies (5) Good night (823) Bad night (1316)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

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  (662): She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list. http://tfl.nu/gj4y
  Replies (21) Good night (3456) Bad night (1095)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.

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  (551): No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours. http://tfl.nu/8sve
  Replies (4) Good night (1297) Bad night (351)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.

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  (609): He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler. http://tfl.nu/dd1c
  Replies (9) Good night (444) Bad night (1058)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.

  (971): View more from Oregon

  YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.

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  (574): IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH. (971): YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH. (574): NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE. http://tfl.nu/j0cd
  Replies (4) Good night (1070) Bad night (510)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.

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  (630): Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat. http://tfl.nu/hcfg
  Replies (1) Good night (430) Bad night (744)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?

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  (780): So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over? http://tfl.nu/dz02
  Replies (5) Good night (1024) Bad night (407)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant

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  (902): jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant http://tfl.nu/c3mp
  Replies (0) Good night (664) Bad night (343)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.

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  (517): I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first. http://tfl.nu/5h2f
  Replies (0) Good night (424) Bad night (362)

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