the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.