My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
