piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..