Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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