i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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